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The twenty fourth
annual conference of the Otterburn Society was held at the
Percy Arms
Hotel, Otterburn, on 27 November 05.
Celebrations in
previous years have started as early as the Thursday of Otterburn, when
members have been known to enjoy a cigar in the
Cockroach, followed by
scotch in the MENS bar, prior to Agric night and a late level 6 disco
!.
In more recent
times, commencement of celebrations have been delayed until the morning
of the Friday of Otterburn, where members have met with Daniel
Hetteratchi for review and strategy discussions on a variety of
different Otterburn related projects.
This year we were very
pleased to be able to hold these discussions in the Anthropological
Research and Development Centre of
I2I Medical, in the city of
Newcastle.
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This year, the
Director of Pearson Engineering,
Mr Randall Flack, had very kindly invited the members to join him
for lunch, at the expense of his company.
The kindness of
this gesture was not missed by the members. Indeed Mr Flack had
made a number of gestures in the weeks immediately preceding Otterburn
XXIV !
Mr Flack had very
regrettably informed the executive committee that he would be unable to
attend Otterburn due to “family” reasons !
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^ Mr Flack of Pearson
Engineering hosting lunch |
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This would have
been regarded as totally unacceptable by the members had Mr Flack not
acknowledged the seriousness of this offence by offering to make a
substantial forfeit. Negotiations between Mr Flack and the director of
Procurement were quickly concluded and Mr Flack agreed to provide one
dozen fine lead crystal champagne flutes in forfeit.
Despite a
suitable
source for these being made available for this purchase, it was obvious
that Mr Flack’s credit card would not be !. Mr Flack eventually
countered his original offer and offered a box of 10 champagne shaped
glasses, from Ikea, as forfeit.
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Negotiations
having broken down, the executive committee decided to receive their
forfeit in person at the lunch hosted by Mr Flack. The tailoring
shears were especially sharpened for this occasion.
At lunch, the
Chairman of the Otterburn Society impartially considered all the
circumstances of this very regrettable situation and heard Mr Flack plea
in mitigation. The Chairman decided on the forfeit. One shirt sleeve,
one jacket sleeve and a handkerchief.
Chairman Beattie
administered the forfeit personally.
The appropriate
entry was made in the Society’s register of forfeits. |
^ Flack reflects on his
failings. |
Following our
traditional trip to the Hancock and afternoon tea with Dan, the members
prepared for the evening celebrations.
Aperitifs were
served at the residence of the DCPF. Drinks followed and members were
very pleased to be able to be able to spend some time at the tables
again this year.
The Saturday
morning of Otterburn has become increasingly difficult for members over
the years! Members have learned to pace themselves and not “peek” too
early. Despite knowing this, only some of the members were able to enjoy a
full breakfast, others were satisfied with a cheese pasty from
Gregg's and a bottle of
Lucozade.
No trip to Otterburn would be complete without stopping at
Boots the Chemist for "consumables"
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^ Members walk to the Tower for lunch |
Members arrived in
the home village of Otterburn in time for lunch. Lunch this year
was served at the
Otterburn Tower Hotel.
It was unfortunate
that it had not been possible to enjoy the 24th conference at
the Tower Hotel. This was because of very unfortunate
circumstances, beyond the control of the owner.
The Society were
very warmly welcomed back to the Tower. An
excellent traditional Saturday lunch of soup & sandwiches was served.
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This year's
conference was held at the
Percy Arms Hotel Otterburn, well known
locally for its quality cuisine and Saturday night dinner dances !
The theme for this
years presentations was “Innovation”. Chairman Karl
presided.
Mr Scarborough was
the first member to make a presentation.
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Alastair presented a
collection of alternative designs to be used for the red suits to be
procured for the silver jubilee celebrations. These ranged from the
Katharine Hamnett inspired original, through more formal alternatives,
even a father Christmas outfit !
It was unanimously
agreed that the
Katharine Hamnett style would be the most appropriate.
Mr Scarborough
gave his absolute assurance to the members, on pain of paying a very
severe forfeit, that he would deliver a red suit to each member, that
was correctly fitting, of the correct shade of red and in good time for
the silver jubilee celebrations ! |
^ Father Christmas |
^Katharine Hamnett |
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Mr Firth took the
opportunity to make an excellent presentation on the
i2i wheelchair
developed by one of his companies. The i2i
wheelchair is set to offer thousands of wheelchair users around the
world, the opportunity to stand again. |
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< A prototype i2i wheelchair |
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Big dick
spoke about an innovative domestic power generation system which is
becoming popular in Canada. He explained how they could
provide combined heat and power for British homes |
The Laird of
Fingesk talked about ancient swords and other devices for the despatch
of toggies. A number of interesting additions had been made since
the collection was last reviewed |
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Clendestine presented a well prepared
power point presentation on the world’s energy needs, whilst the society’s advisor on the dairy industry talked
about an innovative method of collecting methane from dairy cows ! |
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At Otterburn
XXIII, 12 months earlier,
society secretary Jeremy Featherstone had accepted the challenge to
develop the “Otterburn”, a device proposed by Mr Firth at Otterburn
XXIII - a practical tool for decanting
large bottles of Champagne.
Mr Featherstone,
of Blue Ocean Projects Ltd
had accepted the role of Project Manager whilst
Pearson Engineering,
under the direction of Randall Flack, had accepted appointment of main
contractor.
Jeremy’s
presentation at Otterburn XXIV had been eagerly awaited by members
throughout the year. Such was the anticipation surrounding this
exciting development project, the Chairman decided that Jeremey’s
presentation of the fully developed Otterburn should be left till last.
The final presentation forming a splendid finale, with what was
anticipated would be a crescendo of appreciation for the excellent work
that had been completed over the preceding twelve months!
Unfortunately, it was not
to be.
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Mr Featherstone
had increased the scope specified for the
Otterburn to take the champagne to the glass as opposed to taking the
bottle to the glass. To the amazement and disappointment of the members, his
presentation, although well supported with power point graphics, was
not what had been expected.
The Otterburn
produced by Mr Featherstone bore no resemblance to the invention
described a year earlier as Mr Featherstone had deeloped the design away
from the original scope.
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The Otterburn
presented comprised the body of a large syringe connected to a short
length of plastic tube !.
Members were
intrigued as to know how such a devise could possibly used to decant a
melchior !.
Mr
Featherstone attempted to defend his development programme and went on
to explain that the device as presented may not work exactly as
anticipated as he had only brought half of it with him !.. the rest of
the devise, the plunger part of the syringe assembly, being
apparently left by the sink in his Kitchen at home. The tube for
the syringe was
probably suitable only for bottles up to a Jeroboam - totally
inadequate ! |
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"Mr Chairman! NO confidence in
the secretary" |
The Secretary
returned to his seat in disgrace, whilst members shook their heads in
disappointment and disbelief !
Chairman Karl
Beattie, made an interesting presentation, but went on to express his
personal disappointment that Secretary Featherstone had failed to
deliver an appropriate Otterburn in line with the agreement made by Mr
Featherstone and Mr Fwack.
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The Chairman
admitted that the potential for such a failing is something that had
troubled him greatly in the weeks leading up to the society’s
conference.
In anticipation of
the failure of Mr Featherstone to deliver an appropriately engineered
“Otterburn”, the Chairman informed the society that he had taken
the decision to independently work with his wine merchant,
Richard Granger, in the engineering
of the solution.
Karl proudly
presented a superbly engineered “Otterburn”
manufactured from stainless steel, engineered closely to the design
originally proposed, to the regrettable humiliation of Mr Featherstone.
This proved to be
Secretary Featherstone's “coup de grace”.
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The election of Officers to the Society:
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The retiring Treasurer,
Clendestine Beck had ensured that the arrangements were in place
for another successful Otterburn.
The election of
Chairman was passed in accordance with tradition. The retiring
Treasurer, Clendestine Beck, was elected Chairman of the
Otterburn Society. |
| ^ John C Beck,
Chairman |
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The post of
Secretary of the Society has been held for a number of years by Mr
Featherstone. As it is the sole role of the Secretary to produce
the Otterburn Society Journal, members were disappointed to have
to be reminded that a Journal had not been published for a number of
years whilst Mr Featherstone had been in the post. In fact whilst
in office for five years, only one journal had been produced !
The Secretary’s
failure to engineer a suitable “otterburn” being fresh in the minds of
the members, and with his head bowed in shame,
the Secretary stood down from office. |
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^ The "retiring"
Secretary J J R Featherstone |
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The society’s advisor on the dairy industry, Andy MQ Jordan,
stood into the breach and was elected Secretary of the Society.
The members were filled with optimism at the prospect of the publication
of a Journal in our silver jubilee year.
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^ The newly elected
Secretary A MQ Jordon |
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The election of
Treasurer was a closely fought contest. Both Mr Firth and Mr
Scarborough vigorously defended themselves in explaining why they were
not worthy of such exalted office. After much discussion, and despite
attempts to nominate others to the office, it was decided that this
matter should be decided by secret ballot. Alas the number of votes for
each candidate were identical. Each member was given three minutes to
explain why he should not be elevated to the office of Treasurer. This
formed the basis for a second secret ballot. The votes cast for each
were again identical.
Having reached a
stale mate, it was decided that the matter should be decided by a blow
off. The honerable laird of Fingesk ajudicated.
Mr Scarborough was
victorious and won by at least 75mm. Mr Firth had no option to be
graceful in defeat and accept the post of Treasurer for the silver
jubilee year. Despite this, Mr Scarborough was elected Treasurer
elect, in addition to the offices of Director of Music, and Director
of Procurement of red suits & melchiors already held.
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^ The Director of Music, Director
of procurement of red suits and melchiors, Treasurer Elect,
Alastair Scarborough |
^ Treasurer, Basil Firth |
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The official
business having been concluded, the
Methuselah
was opened and decanted using the Beattie Otterburn. The
retired secretary, Mr Featherstone looked on. A special
champagne had been specially bottled for the society this year.
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Aperitifs were
followed by dinner.
To mark the start
of the silver jubilee celebrations a firework display had been
organised. Due to recent statute this started at 11pm. This
was impressive, if only lasting a couple of minutes.
The
song book was available
but not used much this year !
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Regrettably the
retiring Treasurer, having faultlessly made arrangements for the
weekend, had forgotten one final thing, the roast beef sandwiches.
The Chairman sacrificed his tie, but despite this, did make an
excellent attempt at the last post before retiring. Members did
not attempt an assault on the lake because of the grounds were thought
to be more strongly defended than usual! |
^ The retiring Treasurer, with
trumpet but alas an incomplete tie !
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Breakfast was
served late on the Sunday of Otterburn. All members were present.
Proceedings were brought to a close before lunch on the Sunday,
whilst members looked forward to the next Otterburn, our Silver
Jubilee !.
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